by Tara Fannon

...In fact, I don't remember a time when it didn't. It changes in different social environments. It changes based on who I'm with. It even changes based on whether or not I've been to the gym that day. I mostly go between feeling dissatisfied with my physical appearance and not even noticing it. My relationship with food is love-hate. I'm always aware of what I'm eating. Eating healthy and whole is important for obvious reasons but I also don't want to gain weight. I overindulge on caloric foods and then I restrict myself. I regiment my fitness and almost never take a day off. My whole routine holds me captive and I'm tired from it. 

The thought of loving your own body is a concept that has always been foreign to me. I have grown up on the chunkier side of the tracks, so to speak, and it has been a struggle ever since I can remember. 

Everything has been about weight in my life; whether it was teenage me wanting the trendiest skin-tight outfits or getting cut from my college volleyball team because I didn’t look “fit enough.” It’s a common thread in my family; we are predisposed to look this way. But no matter what, we always try to fight it.